Making love. To myself for myself.

Learning how to make love is part of the path for most people on this planet. And we somehow all figure it out and don't die in the process. To think back about the awkwardness of being young and "in love." Which is so silly to me now as I reflect back. Not because it was bad or gross or any of that but because ​

I didn't have anyone talking to me about what to expect or how to be mindful of my feelings through out the process. I learned how to respond to my partners wants and needs and that was just what I thought was "normal."

So fast forward a few partners and babies later... I thought I was pretty good at this Love making business. My partner seemed satisfied, I knew how to orgasm (mostly) and I didn't have any "major" issues with getting into bed with the man I loved. Those are all good things. And what I didn't know, I didn't know.

So here is where much of this "ok'ness" changed. In August of 2015, after nearly 10 years with the father of my two youngest children, we split up. And for the first time since losing my virginity, I was without a partner and unwilling to share my sacred body with the next handsome man that paid me any attention. This was the beginning of a deep and intimate relationship with my Self. Of course at the time I didn't know that and felt an overwhelming sense of sexual frustration that led to me seeing vagina and penis everywhere and talking about sex ALL. THE. TIME! Even to the point where my friends would start sending me sex jokes, and memes galore. They knew I was in my sexual prime and without a sexual partner... so naturally they had to poke the bear ;)

So like any hurdle... I have a choice. I can keep racking my shins on it and getting hurt or I can learn the proper technique to over come it. (HA! another pun... get it? Over CUM'ing it) So there I stand, or lay, or kneel or sit... 'cause it didn't matter where I was... I felt the urge to connect sexually and had to learn how to do this all on my own. My Counselor, who I highly recommend to anyone wanting to grow spiritually, talked to me about the ways I could achieve certain feelings without any other person (like a man.) And it was hard at first... Omg, it is happening again... I say hard and think Penis LOL ;) This was a time when I had to really engage my imagination which I had been disconnected from for so long. At least in the sexual realm. I had heard the term 'date yourself' before, so I knew I needed to spend time doing things I enjoyed with myself. I ate alone, watched movies alone, went on hikes alone, did yoga alone, and even took weekends away all alone. Then came down to the chronic desire to be held, touched, caressed. In a loving way that I had just expected to come from another human being. It felt funny to think I would do this to myself... matter of fact, FOR MYSELF! I felt silly and uncomfortable which seemed like such a conundrum since I've always considered myself to be sexual and comfortable with touch. But not for the sake of just touching myself. This was the truest and deepest form of Sex Ed. and Self love I have ever experienced.

And now I am here to share with you what I have learned and support you on your own Self discovery.

Love Always,
Deirdre J.



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