After many years of sensing other peoples discomfort with who I am, how and the way I live my life... I learned to filter and get small to help those around me feel "comfortable." That meant that I (kind of, sometimes) kept my mouth shut, didn't say what I really felt or gave you the watered down version. Because it was hard being the #CatsTongue. What the hell is that you might think? The Cats Tongue is
a way of saying something abrasive and it comes from a place of love. Cats lick you when they are expressing love and fondness. It comes from the heart and isn't meant to hurt anyone. Yet, it is rough and can be a little startling if you aren't quite prepared.
Recently I've coined the phrase #CatsTongue because I've learned to care more about people's well being than their feelings. Telling the truth can be extremely difficult at times. Especially when you love the person and are afraid that they may "leave" you. All sorts of thoughts creep up when I think of the idea of someone leaving me. Abandonment. Alone. Lost. Afraid. And yet as I sit here (alone) writing this, I can tell you that I have come to understand that abandonment is an illusion. That is another blog entry for sure.
So back to what it means to rub people the wrong way. It use to mean that I got small. Because I valued your comfort more than my own. I believed you were worth more than I was worth. It also meant that I would say I was ok when I really wasn't. Because to tell the truth would sometimes mean I would cause others discomfort or rather reflect the truth back to them (aka project.) Who wants to make others uncomfortable?! WELL I DO NOW! I love it... and now it means that I speak from my heart and for what I see, feel and know. I believe that what I see, feel and know is just that. It may not be what you see, feel and know. Sometimes this can cause conflict because we somehow believe that there is something wrong with us if we don't agree with the person we are exchanging information. We get in our heads about winning rather than learning from one another. I believe that this comes from an evolutionary need to stay alive. A skill that we no longer need in this day and age. It is ok to be wrong, It is ok to not know and it is ok to let someone else lead. You will not die from this. And you know what else I know... humility is damn SEXY! Remain teachable, ask questions, get curious and learn about someone. Learn what makes someone tick, why their heart broke, what caused them to leave their spouse, where their family is from, why they believe in their choice of God, what their biggest fear is and why? ASK QUESTIONS if you don't understand or know. Say what is on your heart and what you see or feel. It may rub someone the wrong way but it will also form an unshakable trust. You will never doubt your authenticity, even if others do. If you slip off your path, you will feel it and can own it. I know I do. I cannot lie to someone about how my day is, and say I'm fine when it's been a hard day or hide my joy when it's been a great day. So get out there and be the #CatsTongue! We need more truth tellers <3